Deeper
by TheatreOfDreams
Summary: Two birds on a wire, one tries to fly, and the other is a liar... A dirty, filthy liar...
1. Rubies and Crystals

**A/N: So before you read I just wanted to say some things. This is my first crack at life with Derek so no flames yet please. Though nay feed back would be nice. Also I don't own life with Derek. Obviously. So without further nonsense here you go.**

I burst through the door of my dorm, my breathe coming in short puffs as my throat closed up. _Where is it? Where is it? _Thatwas all I thought in my panic. I burst into our tiny bathroom, ripping open all the drawers and cupboards. And then I saw it. My small, shiny savior. I picked up the small razor blade and lifted my head. I rested it on the inside of my wrist, looking up. I paused for a second, looking at my reflection.

My hair was a brown mass; it looked like a nesting place. My mascara had run in thick, black lines. A strange representation of what my life had become. I wasted no more time, I could barely breathe. I dug the razor deep into my wrist, watching the stream of crimson drip into the sink. It had stained the porcelain a bloody red after a few seconds. I sucked in a heavy breathe as I did my other wrist. The tightness in my chest had gone; in its place I felt a web of despair. As my tears fell faster the sink became a mixture of crystals and rubies.

As I stared blankly I thought of why this was the only thing that helped me escape. I'd tried drugs, drinking; sex… none of it seemed to work as well as this. The blood falling was like… like it was taking some of the weight with it. Maybe it was the fact that it was I, I who was making the pain here. Yes, that was it. I'd always taken pride in my own work. This part was all my doing.

The bruise on my cheek however, well that was a different story.

_"Why is Sam calling again?" Truman had yelled at me, as he picked up my phone._

_"I don't know, it's probably about our science project." I'd tried to shrug it off, but my voice had shook. It always shook when I knew he was going to hit me._

_"Why aren't you and I partners!?" He hadn't been there today. We were in all the same classes._

_"It—It was teachers pick," I answered, backing away._

_"I bet it wasn't. I bet you like him." He came closer to me, so he stood before me. I could feel my legs shaking. "Well Casey," he frowned at me know, like I was a child who had disobeyed him for the last time. His temple also twitched with anger. "You don't." And then he hit me. His hand came at my cheek, as it always did, and nailed me in the side of the face. "You love me, and you always will. Remember that." And then I ran, ran right out the door. _

I shuddered at the memory, and dug the razor in again. I got halfway down my wrist when there was a knock on the door. "Casey! Open the door; I don't want to look for my keys." It was Derek. He'd made us late for dorm picking at the beginning of the year. Sharing a room was the punishment.

I didn't answer him of course. Instead I began cleaning my mess. Derek didn't know what was going on with me or in my life. Why should he? He didn't care. I heard him groan as he shuffled through his bag. I was almost done covering my steps; I'd done it enough times that I could do it with my eyes closed. I stepped out of the bathroom as he walked through the door.

"Hey," I said in a monotone voice.

"What happened to your cheek?" He looked mildly concerned, that was a step up. My cheek. I'd forgotten to cover it, no wonder I'd made record time.

"Oh I—" I covered it with my hand sub consciously. "I fell."

"You fell? On your face?" He frowned as if debating whether or not to believe my story. "Well you _are_ Casey," he said, finally, with a sigh of defeat.

Why had I been worried? Derek never looked close enough to read between the lines anyway. "I'm going to bed," I announced, before climbing on to the top bunk. Why Derek had given me the top bunk was something I'd never figured out, though I'd never given it much thought.

"Aren't you going to study for the chemistry test?" Derek, in some bout of bizarreness, had also taken all the classes I took. Though his education was free; he played on the hockey team.

"Nah. I just did that." I yawned and rolled over, would he just shut up already. What was with the inquisition?

"I thought you were going to Truman's." He flopped onto his bed and began pulling out his books. He had definitely paid some attention today.

"And I thought you were at what's her names till 11 or whenever," I snapped back.

"Well _Stacy,_" he emphasized her name. Who cared what her name was. "Wasn't really fun. In fact none of these girls are fun." He huffed and I felt like he was trying to get some point across. That was, I thought, the weirdest thing Derek had ever said. Though he _had_ grown up a lot in the few months we'd been here.

"Why don't you just get a girlfriend…" I paused before adding, "And a life." He mumbled something back, but I didn't hear him. I pulled my blanket around me and rolled over. Sleep of course, wasn't coming. I hated going to bed. The darkness always spoke to me, it made me think. It forced thoughts of my broken life into my head. Thoughts I definitely didn't want to have and hid in the fiery depths of my mind. I hadn't gone to sleep with dry eyes in a long time. Tonight was no different. Well almost.

I was mid-thought, mid-tears when Derek, in all his incredibly annoying nosiness, broke the silence. "What do you see in him anyway?" He said, his voice taking on a frustrated tone. I pretended to be asleep. "Come on Casey, I know you're awake. You snore."

Before I could stop myself I fell into my old argumentative self. "I do not snore!"

"I know, but now I know you're awake." He chuckled lightly. "Now answer the question."

"What do I see in who?" I tried to stall.

"Truman." He said blandly, seeing through my stall.

I really didn't know what to say, so I went with describing the old Truman. "He's sweet and…" Then I thought of a better way to shut him up. "And a good kisser." Derek wouldn't want to talk about this with me. No way.

"Probably not as good as me." He let his ego melt into his words a little. Only a little though, the rest of the tone was… unknown to me.

"What are you suggesting?" I went for the blunt approach.

"I'm not saying anything."

"Sure." And that was the end of the conversation. But definitely not the end of the night, the night was always everlasting for me.

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Like? Dislike? Meh? Review please!

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	2. Everyday life

Oh everyday life isn't always ordinary..

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The next morning we acted like we always did. This meant sleepy with a taste of supernova. It started with me throwing my blanket on him during one of my nightmares. That flipped him off because it woke him, and I, up an hour earlier than usual. So there was the constant bickering, it was too early for the shouting, and then just flat out silence. That lasted until Derek began to hog the bathroom and I began to bang on the door. A chorus of "De-reks" coming out of my mouth, in tune with the battering-that was our third door this semester. I was seriously becoming a beast from all this door killing.

After I gave up on getting any bathroom time, I decided to eat what was left of Derek's "dorm stock." (That's what he called his food) Before he could catch me- or attack me- I left the dorm with my books, a messy ponytail and a smile on my face. Strangely enough, this was the only thing that ever distracted me enough to pull me out of my depression. You could call me a morning person.

My morning high disappeared as quickly as it came though. When I walked into my first class-English Literature- I felt a crushing inevitability with a tinge of repetitiveness; I saw Truman, sitting faithfully and possessively in the spot next to me. He'd opened my book for me, as well as his. My stomach rolled in slow circles-this was nothing new-as I drew closer to my spot. The urge to turn my smile around was omnipresent, but I held it together. Strange that I smiled at the one I was supposed to loathe and frowned at the one I was supposed to love.

"Hello love, good morning?" He said as I sat down. He returned my smile, sickening me more. His words hurt with a strange pang. I was still in love with the old Truman, and I knew he was gone. This was like his ghost haunting me. As if it was my doing for his loss and now… now it was all a deadly game of make-believe, and he seemed to be winning.

In today's class we were just finishing our in depth study of Shakespeare's _Romeo and Juliet. _The only thing it did for me was make me discover that the old Casey had died with the old Truman. All that was left was the ghost.

***

Why was I walking with Sam? What was the point when my eyes and my attention were elsewhere? We, non-coincidentally, were walking behind Casey and Trashman. My eyes were glued to her; I could never get them off of her. Her hands were linked with his, as they were every single day, but her body language always said otherwise. This was what I had trouble understanding; why did she look like she was acting? Casey was never one for pity dates, and she'd never stay in a pity relationship. I knew her well enough to know that. But why oh why did she look so strained? If she loved him, which she did-I mean they spent all their time together- then why did she act like that?

This was the question that occupied me these days. It was always knawing at my brain and was never full. Sad I know, but inevitable and unavoidable. She and the mysteries that surrounded her were almost always my main focus. I could never bring myself to ask her any of the burning questions I had, she'd only get offended. I'd given it a shot yesterday but it hadn't gone very well. Casey didn't want me in her life and that was that.

"Derek? Derek did you hear anything I just said?" Sam was looking at me strangely.

"Umm no," I admitted.

"Well if you would stop staring at Casey for one god damn second…" He looked away at this, running his fingers through his sandy blonde hair angrily.

While he was angry, I was caught off guard. I had never told him about my Casey coveting. In fact I'd never told anyone. "Wha—How do you know?" I looked at him; sure my incredibility was showing on my face.

"Come on Derek, you stare at her all the time, give it up." He looked at me hard. I just glared at him.

"Fine," was all I said.

"Anyways I was saying that you've got to focus man, playoffs are real soon."

"What are you saying? I've never missed a practice and I'm the top friggen player on the team. What more do you want from me?" This made me mad; hockey was one of the few things I put an effort into.

"I'm not saying anything. I'm just saying."

"What?"

"I don't know, let's just take our seats."

***

Chemistry passed at a pace so slow I hadn't even known it existed, especially the part where I had to wait for everyone to finish the test. Derek was the last person to hand in his test. _Figures._ I'd found the test simple; first semester I'd realized that I'd been over studying my whole life.

I spent lunch with Truman as always, we went to the cafeteria because today they had pizza. Pizza was Truman's favorite food. I hate pizza. So basically Lunch sucked. But Creative Writing was much, much worse.

Since we were still in the first week of second semester the teacher decided to have a reflection class. We were to write a short story based on our experiences in college so far. That was just friggen dandy.

In what I got done, my character "Jenna" had the perfect life. And then it just all went downhill from there. The only part of my story where I didn't have to hide my tears was writing about Derek and I's arguments. The ridiculous things we did in spite of each other… It was a strange awakening to our relationship. It was my first realization that Derek wasn't a bad thing. In some strange way our unchanging arguments were what kept me sane. They were the last constant remnants of my old life. In a way they were what I thrived on. It was how I got that morning smile plastered on my face every day.

That realization didn't help me later that night though. Truman and I's arguments were very different, to say the least. That night Truman didn't hit me physically, but he did verbally. And later when I stared at the red sink I couldn't help but think that my life was a knife, balancing on its tip. Eventually it was going to fall, one way or the other.

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**A/N: SO chapter 2 is here... I just wanted to give everyone a closer look at everyones perspectives so the story was more understandable... you know. I also wanted to keep a part of there home life in the story because I didn't want to change their lives completely. As I said at the end... it's all going to coe down at some point xD You know? Anyways, tell me what you think please. Like? No? Redo the chapter? Review review review!**


	3. Discoveries

_She smiled at me, her teeth flashing in the moonlight. We stared for a second before our lips connected and the world flowed between our mouths. All in a moment the sweet bliss was gone and there was a pain in my heart. I looked down and a silvery knife protruded from my chest. My head lifted but Casey no longer stood before me, instead I saw her back. "Casey!" I called. "Casey! Come back!" I called, my heart throbbing with every single breathe..._

"Relax Derek, I'm right here." My eyes flew open, and Casey was in fact, right there. I sighed and shook my head.

"What time is it?" My eyes were bleary with sleep.

"3 in the morning." _Ohh man_.

"What are you doing up?" I peered at her, she looked different. Something seemed a bit off.

"Well thanks to you, I can't sleep. If you would just stop moaning and yelling like a child…" She trailed off, and there was a twinge in her voice. As if she were forcing out the words. I peered even harder at her for a few more seconds, and then I saw the difference; it was in her most prominent feature. Her eyes. They were very wide, and very red.

"Were you," I hesitated before continuing, "Crying?"

She turned towards the mirror on our left wall before answering. "No." It was easy to tell that she was lying by the crack in her voice.

"Casey," I let my concern for her seep into my voice for the first time. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm fine," her voice was stern. She should know that I never listened to stern voices.

"Casey come on, what's wrong? You can tell me." I put on the most compassionate stare I could muster, which was a mistake. Her bottom lip was beginning to quiver in that angry way. I would've thought it was cute if the situation wasn't so tense.

"Derek just let it go." Oh but I wasn't letting this one go, I was already in to far anyways. I felt close to solving one of those mysteries, and I was not giving up.

"Casey…" I had to go slow; I knew I was treading on thin ice.

"Will you just mind your own business!?" Too thin I guess. She leaned over her bed to look at me, and I looked up back at her. Her tears began to fall for what must have been the second time that night. They started slow and then began to stream, all of them hitting me right in the face. "You know what Derek?" she continued, "You don't care! You never did! You don't like me! So why in the world would I tell you what's wrong?! Why Derek? Tell me why." She looked at me hard, tears falling faster by the minute.

With more courage than I'd ever had in front of her I stood up, and wiped the tears off of my face. "Because you have no one." I whispered, and then said it again, louder. "Because you have no one Casey! That's why; it wouldn't hurt to just say something to me once in a while! Something other than… than nothing." Then I climbed up onto her bed and sat across from her, whisking her tears off her face. She just looked at me, like a deer caught in the headlights of surprise. I just kept going; I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around her. She froze for a moment before all out collapsing into my shoulder. My arms held on to her as tight, and I tried to keep my breathing steady as she poured her heart into my shoulder.

What in the world could drive her too such utter despair? Whatever it was I'd find it, and at that moment I vowed that there'd be a time when I held her in the form of happiness. That I would hold Casey again some time, we would be together and whatever was causing her tears would be gone, by mine own hand. I held on to that thought and that thought held onto me, even after I pulled my arms back gently, so as not to wake her, and lay her down on top of her blanket.

She looked very peaceful, more peaceful than I'd seen her in a long time. This only fed the fire, adding yet another question to my list. When I climbed back into my bed I found that it was not the questions that mattered so much as Casey's happiness. With that thought burning in my mind, among many others, I drifted into a determined slumber.

**

The next morning I awoke from a somewhat comfortable sleep. I felt light, but only for a moment, I suddenly had mixed feelings about the day as the events of last nights "midnight chat" came rushing into my head. Immediately I swung my head over the edge of my bed, searching for any prying eyes, but was relieved to find Derek out somewhere. I swung off my bunk, and checked the time; 12 am.

I looked back at my still damp comforter and thought, _as if I'd cried to him, Derek, of all people._ But I, who wasn't good at lying even to myself, had to admit that I did feel comforted and it was… nice. Opening my half of the closet, I pulled out one of the long sleeve shirts I'd taken to wearing a lot lately and slipped it on, along with a nice pair of sweats. Generally this was how I spent my Saturday mornings; propped in our small bean bag chair reading a book of some sort or doing home work. How ever I didn't get there this morning, because when I'd finished fixing my hair and makeup my phone rang.

"Hello?" I hadn't bothered to check the caller ID, which I probably should've. If it would've been Derek I definitely wouldn't have picked up. I was way too embarrassed for that at the moment.

"Hey Case," In a way I'd lucked out, it was Sam. "I was uhh, wondering if you wanted to work on our project sometime today?"

"Umm... I" I bit my lip; Truman had "suggested" we go out for a "nice" dinner tonight. If he caught me hanging out with Sam…

"If you can't then its okay," he sounded a little on the sad side. "Just don't let me do it all by myself," he gave off a shaky laugh then, as if trying to joke it off. Well it wasn't like he was asking me out on a date or something, jeez.

"Ok fine, why don't you come up to my dorm? We can work on it here for a bit." I had a strange pit in my stomach after I'd given the invite. There was no turning back now…

"Now?" He still sounded shaky. What did he want from me? To say no? God.

"Yeah, now." I didn't have the energy to fake my annoyance.

"Okay I'll be right over." I put my phone down and went to wait in the bean bag chair for Sam. It was no more than five minutes before there was a knock at my door and he was walking through it. Derek must have given him a key.

"Hey Sam," I said lightly, plastering my morning smile on my face.

"Hey Case," he said, returning my smile. He then came and sat on Derek's bed, which was beside me, a little bit in my personal bubble but my bubble had been popped enough times that I didn't really care. He pulled out his notebook, and a small fiberglass dish with some type of yellow liquid in it.

"So what exactly are we doing anyways?" I hadn't really paid attention that class. I had been preoccupied with thoughts of… well thoughts.

"Well we are testing the results of a replacement chemical reaction between blood and urine." He said this with such ease that it took me a moment to register what he had indeed said.

"Urine!? Is that what that is?" I pointed to the Petri dish.

He laughed at me, "Yes. Didn't you pay attention when Mr. Spritz explained the assignment?" I gave him a sheepish smile, he also knew of my lying handicap.

"So if that's the urine… then where is the blood?"

"Well, it's going to come form us." And before I could stop him he was rolling up my sleeve. I tried frantically to pull it back down but it was too late. His hands were frozen halfway up my arm, on my latest cut. I didn't mover either, I had no clue what to do. Sam's mouth hung open, and was moving but it was a few seconds before any sound reached me.

"C— Casey…" Before I could respond my door swung open and Truman stood in the doorway.

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**A/N: Woo cliffhanger lol A lot of things going on now... xD Review = Love! And thanks to all my faithful reviwers! Stakemenow, Belladonnafalmes, and my shangrila! Thx guys! =)=)**


	4. Loose, Tight, Loose

**A/N: I was going to post this friday =\ but goddam fanfiction... lol Anyways it's here now! Late, but here. xD**

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_You tie up one end, and the others come loose..._The first thing I did was slam my sleeve down. "He—hey Truman," I said shakily.

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"Hey baby, Sam." He acknowledged him with a nod, "I was just coming to remind Casey of our date tonight. It's at seven." His restrained anger filtered into his voice more and more with every word. Then he left the dorm, slamming the door shut. Sam and I stared at the door for a few seconds, a little dumbstruck. I was the first to speak.

"Alright then. Well let's get back to work." I grabbed the urine filled Petri dish and twirled it in my hands, since I didn't know what else to do.

"Oh no, Casey you need help," he gave me a stern, fatherly look before pulling out his phone. He didn't get past the first number before I snatched it out of his hand.

"I'm fine, Sam." My tone was colored with a sort of disdain and insistence.

"Casey look at your wrists! You are not fine. Now let me call someone, Derek at least."

Those last three words made me very angry. "Out of all the people in the world, you would call Derek?" I said in disbelief.

"He cares for you more than you know Casey."

"No it's you that doesn't know Sam. It's you that doesn't know anything about my life so you shut up." He looked at me, surprised at my tone.

"Casey you can't live like this!" He grabbed my wrist and lifted it, "What is making you do this?!"

"I already do live like this," I shoved my wrist in his face, "It's fine, I've got it all under control. Forget about it, Sam."

"Casey that's kind of hard to forget about and I won't do it. I can't leave a friend live like this." He genuinely was concerned, which was irrational. I had it under control.

"You want to help? Then don't tell anyone, just leave it alone. I don't need more on my plate than I already got."

He stared at me for a second, studying, before answering. "I will, for now, but I'm not making any promises. And if I find out why… why you are doing these things to yourself then—"

"Then what? What is super Sam going to do?"

"I don't know, but it'll be something."

"Okay Sam, you get on that. Now let's just do our project."

"I think I'll do it myself; looks like you have enough to deal with." He quickly packed up his things and turned for the door.

"Sam, wait." I grabbed his arm, making him turn. He looked quite hurt. "Thanks." He just nodded, before walking out my door.

As soon as I heard the door click I leaned back in my chair, running my fingers through my hair. I definitely didn't like Sam knowing. It complicated things to a degree that wasn't comforting, and Sam was a smart guy; it wasn't long before he figured it out. I mean the look on Truman's face when he walked through the door… it wasn't hard to put together. The worst part was that all I could do was wait, wait for the knife to fall and my life to crumble to pieces. I just had to make sure there were enough pieces left for me to find.

**

It wasn't until around four when I had to deal with Derek; because that was the time he walked in the door. At first we just ignored each other; it appeared as if we were on agreement never to talk about last night again. But that was only how it appeared, because eventually Derek broke the silent bubble.

"Casey, you're going to have to tell me what's wrong eventually. You know that, right?" He was staring up at me, from the bean bag chair.

"Nope," I answered matter of factly, not looking up from my book.

"Casey look at me." I looked up, the strange urgency in his voice alarming me. "Really look at me," he said softly. He looked like just Derek, his brown hair hung the same way, and his leather jacket was still the same from high school… I looked closer, staring into his eyes, and I did see something I never had before. A sort of longing hurt; the same pain that I saw in the mirror everyday.

Then I asked Derek a question I don't think I ever had before. "Derek, are you okay?"

He looked down for a moment, like he was trying to find the answer himself. "I—I'm not sure," he said quietly. This was a side of Derek I'd never seen before. There wasn't a clear signal telling me what to do about it, so I went with my instinct. I climbed off my bed and sat in front of him, taking his hand.

"Whatever it is, or whoever it is, it's going to work out," I said softly, and I meant it as well.

"I really do hope your right." His tone was saturated with such a raw honesty that my heart almost broke over itself for him. We sat together, hand in hand, reflecting on our own problems.

"Derek?" I said, after a few minutes.

"Yeah?" He looked at me, and away from our small window.

"You're a great brother," I smiled at him, rubbing his hand.

"I love you Case," was all he said, before looking back toward the window.

"I love you too Derek." Suddenly I felt better, like there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I wasn't coming out of the hole, definitely not. But maybe now I'd stop sinking...

Half an hour later my phone rang, it was Truman. "Hello?" I acted like I didn't know who it was.

"Hey, I was just making sure that we're still on for tonight?" Though he made it like he was giving me a choice, I knew better.

"See you then." I hung up the phone, with a few lonely tears running down my face. This was definitely going to be a night to remember…

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**A/N: 20th reviewer gets a review from me! xD I feel generous right now. Anyways, the story could go anywhere at this point... which is exciting for me lol So like? dislike? tell me please =)**


	5. Confusion

_Confusion__Every mistake, we must surely be learning.  
Still My Guitar Gently weeps..._

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Looking in the mirror one last time, I tried to hold in my swirling emotions. What I saw in the mirror was very different from what I felt inside. My hair fell in soft curls, the top half pulled up into a twist in the back. My lips were stained with thimbleberry lipstick and my eyes brought out by waterproof mascara and brown eyeliner. I wore a blue satin shirt that wasn't too tight, and dark blue jeans, also not quite too tight. I looked quite nice, I had to admit, but I didn't want to. I didn't like looking nice anymore, in fact I hated it. I hated getting dressed up for Truman, I hated to do anything for Truman. And yet here I was, walking out the door towards that exact person.

Checking the time on my phone, I saw that I was going to be five minutes early. Damn Derek. He always set the alarm clock 5 minutes fast. I took my time walking through the dorms, which were empty. It was around the time of the "dead zone". This was the nickname for the hour that the hallways always seemed to be empty. Though I was walking through the halls in the dead zone, I didn't get to Truman's without some kind of encounter. Encounters were happening too often lately for my liking, the balance was tipping.

When I was about halfway to Truman's dorm, Sam shot around the corner of the hallway.

"Casey," he breathed. Relief flooding through his breathlessness.

"Can we talk later Sam? I have a date." I made the words sound normal, as they would be in any other person's life.

"Oh no." He said, in a bit of a parental voice. "You are not going on anymore dates with Truman." He grabbed my arm and began pulling me towards his dorm. So he'd figured it out, great.

"Sam leave me alone, I'll do what I want." I pulled my arm away and began walking in the other direction, though it was the wrong way to Truman's. He caught up to me quickly, turning me around.

"Casey, you need help. You can't let Truman control your life. You need to get out." He looked me in the eyes, genuine concern burning into me. Anger flared up inside of me.

"You don't know anything about me or Truman." I snapped in his face, I could feel tears slipping down my cheeks.

"I know enough to make you stay away from him. He's not good for you."

"Well… Well all you're doing is making it worse. Just leave me alone and I'll be fine." And with that I ran past him, away from all the truths he was telling; they were the source of my anger. I wasn't lying when I said Sam was a smart guy.

"Hello Casey, love." Truman whispered. I'd just reached his room, and the inside was definitely a spectacle. The lights were off in his single dorm, the room lit only by candles. His scarce furniture was moved off to the side, and a small table occupied the centre of the room. Two tall, white candles burned incandescently in the middle of the table, illuminating the rose petals that covered the table clothe. It appeared as if Truman had set the table, dinner included. I smiled weakly; this definitely wasn't what I'd expected. But I had a feeling, something was very wrong. "Why don't you come sit? I made us a nice dinner." He gestured to the plates, his smile still plastered onto his face. I hurried over awkwardly, my legs feeling like I was still an uncoordinated teenager. My chair slid out easily and I slammed myself into the seat.

"What's all this?" I said shakily, trying to start up some type of conversation and ignoring the rapid pulsing in my chest.

"It's a dinner for two," he said, like it was perfectly normal. "I thought we could have a romantic dinner inside instead of going out." He was almost acting like the old Truman, and it was scaring me. It felt like a ghost sat across from me.

"A—alright." I placed my hands on the table, beside my plate. The plate looked to be full of salad and some type of chicken.

There were a few seconds of silence before he spoke. "Casey." He reached onto the table and took my hand gently. "I really think that we need to restore the romance between us. The ever present magic we used to share." He began rubbing circles on my hand, and I felt really uncomfortable; borderline panicky. "I feel that I've let you slip away, like we're slowly being pulled apart." He looked at me with the sorriest eyes; there brown glistened in the candle light like they used to. My mouth opened but no words came out; I really had no answer. I was completely lost.

"R--really?" I stuttered, my voice cracking dryly. Glancing at the wine he'd said out I decided to take a sip.

"Casey I'd really like to start over," he said, his regret seeping into his tone.

"Okay." The word left my mouth before I could stop it; I'd dreamed about this so many times. It didn't feel quite the same as I'd thought. Something felt off, but I'd figured it was just the shock of what had just happened.

"I'm so glad you feel the same, this time will be better. I promise," he said genuinely, dragging out the word promise. His smiled warmed up a bit, and it touched his eyes.

I was hesitant with my answer this time; I still had a strange feeling inside me still, like something was off. "I hope so," I finished, plastering a semi forced smile onto my face. Just then the images of Derek and Sam popped into my mind. I shook my head, confused. Now I really didn't know what to think.

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**A/N: Okay I've been so bussy. But today I did horrible at volleyball for some reason. So this is the product of my depression. Anywaysss I had fun giving away the review last time. So I'm giving them away again xD I'll pick a random reviewer and give them a review because it makes me feel good =) So did you like it? (I'm trying to not makke it soap opera esque... lol) If you did review!**


	6. What in the World

_What in the world...

* * *

__You're a trainwreck but I wouldn't love you if you changed -Demi Lovato_

* * *

I shut Truman's door at eleven o'clock unscathed, with my heart pounding. All we'd done was talk; there had been no hitting or yelling. He'd even kissed me good night. My head was spinning; whirling with thoughts that had no connection with one another. Was he playing a game? I couldn't tell, after all I hadn't seen anything coming before. He seemed fine though, and I figured that the strange feeling would disperse after I got over the shock.

I ran my fingers through my hair, something I had recently started doing when I didn't know what to do. After another minute of aimless standing I gave up on the problem, and began heading back to my dorm. I arrived there without any Sams or Dereks interrupting me, which I was thankful for. I needed a night away from the melting pot my life had become. Walking through the door quietly, I flicked on the light.

Derek was conked out early on the bean bag chair, snoring. Chuckling softly, I entered the bathroom to get ready for bed. As I went to grab the makeup remover from my cupboard I spotted my razor blade near the edge of the shelf. I'd left it there, in the thought that I'd be needing it tonight. And for some strange reason I still felt the need to use it; not as extensively as usual; but just a little bit. Just enough to let out this strange feeling I had.

I plucked it off the shelf, not bothering to fight it. Holding my arm over the sink, I looked in the mirror. My breath stuck in my throat as I really noticed what I'd done to myself for the first time. Large, ragged marks ran all up and down my arm, there was literally no sign left of regular skin. It was all varying shades of red and purple, depending on the healing stage. All of a sudden my stomach lurched uncontrollably and Truman's homemade dinner was pouring into the sink. The blade slipped out of my hand and slid down with it. I stood for a moment, before wiping my mouth and running the rest down the sink. I washed my hands and dried them vigorously on the towel behind me, still feeling sick.

Suddenly the feeling became like a dirt coated blanket; all I wanted to do was cleanse myself. I quickly stripped my clothes off and jumped into our tiny shower, relishing in the warm water as it fell all over my body. The urge for cleanliness dissolved in the passing minutes of my shower and after awhile I began to get cold. Turning the faucet to the right, the shower sputtered out. And ten minutes later my hair was up in a bun and I was wearing my favorite flannel pajamas. On my way to my bed I paused beside Derek, wanting to wake him up and put him to bed. "Derek." I whispered, shaking his shoulder. "Derek!" I said, a little louder.

"Whaa? Wha?" He said suddenly, his eyes popping open and his head snapping up. "Casey are you okay?" He asked, suddenly urgent.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said, laughing at his unnecessary panic. "Now what were you doing? Just sitting here on a Saturday night?"

"I was actually waiting for you. You know, making sure you come home okay and all that…" He trailed off, waving his hands in the air.

"Derek I think you're delusional, you need proper sleep. Get into bed." I went and stood behind him, ushering him towards his bed.

"No, no Case." He objected, waving away my hands. "I have to call Sam first." He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and pressed speed dial number 4. Before I could stop myself I grabbed the cell phone, snapping it shut.

"I'm fine, you can tell Sam whatever you need to in the morning," I muttered, tossing the phone onto my bed. "Go to bed."

This time I full on pushed him towards his bed, and he obliged. Muttering, "Fine, fine." Two minutes later I could hear him snoring from atop my bed. Smiling to myself, I rolled over, only to find something jab me in the small of my back. Reaching under myself, I pulled out the culprit; Derek's cell phone. It was already open, the text message symbol flashing.

I couldn't help myself; I pressed read. It was from Sam, _Is she home yet?? _It read. My finger clicked reply, _Yes, and shes fine. _I clicked send. Two minutes later his phone buzzed in my hand, lighting up with a text. _Did you tell her?_

_No. _Tell me what? 30 seconds later the phone began buzzing repeatedly, Sam was calling.

"Casey!" The phone slipped from my hand and I froze.

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**A/N: Definately not the best, but I wanted to keep the element of the secrecy in the story. I wrote this mighty quick though. I guess all the reviews from the last chapter inspired me, literally. I'm so thankfull to everyone whos reviewed****, really. You guys are my life xD I'm going to start personally thanking everyone from now on... I'll try and personally review everyone too =) Anywaysss what did ya think? lame? Good?**


	7. In the End We're all the Same

_Love, you'll be the death of me_

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_Lovely hearts, sweet tarts, they're all the same in the end, impossible to mend -me =)_

* * *

"_Time is running out." The voice whispered. I had no idea where it was coming from but the voice was everywhere. It seemed to be embedded in with the darkness of the room. "Watch…" It whispered, and suddenly a picture lit up the wall in front of me. There was a clock, a large white clock, the hands ticking away. Two dark silhouettes blocked the center of the clock; it was Casey and Truman. They held onto each in a tight embrace. My heart pulsed painfully and I looked closer. The picture suddenly became brighter, clearer. Casey wasn't really holding on to anything, in fact she was limp in his arms. Truman turned toward me, his smile glinting in the light that emanated form the glowing clock. And then he held up something; a small silvery knife. It glinted alongside his teeth, and as the second hand struck the twelve he drove it into her back._

"_Casey!" I called, but there was nothing I could do. Truman let go of her, walking away as she toppled to the floor…_

My eyes fluttered open, and it took me a moment to realize that it was just a dream. My eyes were wet, disorientating the bed frame above me. I took a deep breath, but it didn't help relax me. My heart was pounding fiercely and I was filled with… with a feeling. It told me that this wasn't a waiting game anymore; I had to do something. I had to fight for Casey before it was too late…

**

"Hello?" I said into my cell.

"Hey Sam." It was Derek. He sounded… restless.

"What's up?" I said nonchalantly, pretending not to notice anything.

"Umm… I need your help with something." He wasn't being very specific, and I didn't like it. I agreed to help anyways, like always.

"Sure, what do you need me to do?"

"I need you to help me tell Casey I love her." He hung up then. I snapped the phone shut, flinging it across the room. _It just wasn't fair…_

**

"Where're you off to?" Casey called, just before I opened the door.

"Oh just… uh… Sam's. We're going to study." I said, rubbing my hand on the back of my head nervously. There was a moment of silence, in which I was sure she'd caught my lie. Then after the tension melted, releasing my sudden panic.

"Alright, I'm going to be here all day I think. I'm just piled over with homework so there won't be a need to lock up." She went back to the notebook she was writing in, not looking the least bit disturbed. I let out a relieved sigh as I left the dorm, removing my hand from my head.

On the way to Sam's I was filled with the bubbly champagne feeling of anticipation. I was finally going to tell her, finally going to let it all out. It may have been cliché, but it seemed like now everything was going to be put into place.

**

_Knock, knock, knock…_ "Come in!" I called, thinking it was Derek. But to my surprise, it wasn't Derek. It was Truman.

"Hello Sam." He said, not entering any farther than the door frame.

"Uh, hi." I said, feeling a little intimidated by his hard stance.

"I just wanted to let you know, that you should stay away from my girlfriend." He said, his voice thick with warning. I stared to say something but he'd already left. I swallowed instinctively, though the warning was unnecessary. Truman had the wrong guy, and I was guiltily angry at that.

About 30 seconds later Derek walked through the door, a frown on his face.

"What was Truman doing here? Don't tell me you two are buddies now." Derek said, shutting the door.

"No, no. He was just looking for Casey." I said, lying smoothly. After lying so many times I was a natural.

'Oh' was all he said, before setting his bag down. I was lucky enough to have gotten one of the single dorms. It may be small, but at least I didn't have to share.

"So?"

"So I've got a few ideas on how to do it… I just need your opinion."

_You definitely don't want my real opinion, _I thought sourly. "Shoot." I said, with much lighter feeling than I felt.

"Okay, well I… uh. Well when I said a few I meant one." He said, smiling sheepishly.

"Shoot." I said again, slightly annoyed.

"Alright well…"

"…I think that's a great idea." I said, hating the idea even more every second. It was the perfect plan, sure to work.

"Great Sam, thanks. I'm gonna go now, though. Homework."

"Bye," I said, my voice filtering out all the bitterness I felt.

"Bye." I watched him go, sighing. Watching him, I realized for the umpteenth time that I would never get the happy ending that filled you with a warm, fuzzy feeling. I'd always be that extra character that never really had a purpose but to help the lovable character… This character definitely didn't know how lovable he was…

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**A/N: Ohh, and we all thought Sam was just the nice guy helper. =) Well everyone plays a part... Anyways as to why it took me a year to get a chapter up... I was/am super sick, I have volleyball everyday, and am piled over with work of the home variety... So I don't want to make any excuses but that's the truth =) Anyone want to say get well in the form of a lovely review? Would be much appreciated xD I'll even personally thank you =x OH! and Dasey IS coming. I wanted some Casey and some Derek and soon they will be meshed together into a delicous Dasye pie! yummm pie...**


	8. It's Dead

_I love you... not_

_I do wanna love you, and I do wanna try... - Hedley_

* * *

"Casey are you _sure_ you can't come?" Derek pressed, pestering me one last time. He stood in the doorway, eyes pleading and his hockey bag squished in the doorframe.

"I promised Truman we'd have dinner, sorry. You don't like me coming anyway, I'm bad luck, remember?" I pulled that one last curl off of my face and secured it with a butterfly pin, frowning at my reflection for the millionth time.

"Well alright then, see you," he muttered before disappearing down the hall. I shouted good luck but there was little chance of him hearing me. Turning away from the mirror, I sighed; why did life have to be so hard? Like what was with Derek, I definitely didn't need that crap right now. I really did feel bad, but I pushed it out of my mind. My last two dates with Truman had been like the old days, it still didn't feel the same, but I was hoping tonight it would. I was hoping that I'd be ready to actually have good physical contact with him again. I was hoping for a good night. With that confidence I marched down the hall to meet him at his dorm…

**

"Where's Casey?" Sam asked, throwing his bag in the back of my used van.

"She had a date. With Truman." I said that name with disgust, hating to have to even say it at all. Sam's eyebrows went up.

"She's still going with him?"

"Yeah, I was dumb to think that I had a chance. Like come on, she's my step sister." I slammed my door angrily, it rattled on its hinges. Sam got into the car slightly and I took off toward the rink, not in a good mood. We drove for ten or so minutes in a very tense silence. Sam broke it eventually.

"Derek?" He said, turning toward me and away from the rainy window.

"Huh?"He turned back to the window, silence following. "What?" I said again after a couple seconds, waiting for him to spit it out.

He took a long breath, which irritated me to no end, and then he spoke the most bizarre words. "Derek... I'm gay."

**

"You look very pretty tonight Casey," Truman said quietly, taking my hand. And there it was again, that incredibly queasy feeling. My confidence and anticipation poofed, leaving me knowing exactly what the night had in store. I wasn't really sad about it; I had just been hoping I would be ready to take the next step, which I clearly wasn't. Giving Truman a meek smile, I thanked him for the compliment.

The ride to the restaurant was quiet, filled with unimportant small talk and that persisting, nauseating feeling. It was a little better once we walked into the restaurant, I was praying that the feeling would magically disappear at some point; I just had to be a little patient.

A skanky waitress brought us to a nice, secluded table at the back corner of the restaurant, understanding our need or privacy, or maybe Truman had just slipped her a 20 when I wasn't looking… who knew.

"This is nice." I commented, trying to get some type of conversation going.

He smiled at me, nodding. We sat in a comfortable silence, each skimming the menu and deciding what to order. I ended up getting the fettuccini alfredo, and him the porter house steak. The silence lasted all through our wait, with the odd comment on the nice lighting or a couple sitting close by. Eventually we got our food, and despite my uncomfortable feeling, I was quite hungry.

I was about to dig in when Truman's hand brushed my wrist. "Casey before we eat there's something I want to give you." He reached into his pocket ever so slightly, and when his hand returned to the table he was holding a long, black, velvet box. He popped it open and inside sat two matching rings. My jaw just kind of dropped with out myself even being aware of it. "They're promise rings," he said, relieving me. "I thought we could wear them to show that we love each other always?" He picked up the ring and held up my hand gently. "Can I?" I just nodded, unsure of what else I could do as the sick feeling raged inside of me. He slid the ring nimbly onto my finger. For some reason I thought that I should be crying slightly, and bursting with joy like in the movies. But I really wasn't, I felt like the room was suffocating me.

Truman slid his ring on, a somewhat cheshire smile resting on his lips. That smile sat there all through the evening, and it just made me feel horrid. I made it through though, sometimes forgetting about the omnipresent feeling, sometimes feeling it all to well. Near the end of the night it almost disappeared, but it came roaring back outside Truman's door.

"Do you want to come in for a bit Casey?" He asked, gazing down at me. I really didn't want to. I wasn't ready for this; I did not want to take one step inside that door. But between his pleading eyes and his gentle hand in mine, I found myself, bizarrely enough, saying yes. He opened the door and entered first, I followed and dropped my purse lightly by the door, trying to think of a way out of this situation. Truman shut the door lightly and then turned toward me, cupping my face. I had to fight the reflex to take his hand off, this felt so wrong. He leaned in and made a light trail of kisses up my neck, I was panicking. He reached my mouth and began to kiss me, growing in intensity with each kiss. When I felt his tongue on mine I pulled away; I couldn't take it any more.

"Truman, no, stop." I protested. He kept going.

"Come on Case, don't you love me?" I saw him hold up his hand and wiggle the finger where the new ring sat.

"Truman don't, not today." I turned to the side, trying to avoid his kisses. I felt his hand run high up under my dress, his hand hooking into my thong.

"Yes today," he whispered ripping my dress with his other hand. I tried to break free of his grip but I couldn't move. I felt silent tears run down my face as I tried to get out. He moaned near my ear and I felt his pants bulge, that's when I really started to freak out. I tried to scream for help but his mouth muted mine. There was nothing I could do but stand there, trapped as he tore me apart…

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**A/N: I love that chapter for some reason . It was just... necessary . Sorry I haven't updated in like forever, I've been just so busy, its hard to even get on the computer! Anyways I want to know if you like it? rEvIeWs ArE lOvE! Merry christmas guys!!**


	9. Sam Spills It

_Coming together_

"Sam, you're not gay. You dated Casey remember?" Derek said, bewildered.

"I…" Sam looked down, his cheeks flaming. "I was only trying to make you jealous." He finished in a huff.

"Oh." Derek shifted his eyes.

"Yea." Sam looked out the window again.

"Well, I'm okay with it." Derek said after a few silent seconds.

"Really?" Sam asked, clearly surprised.

"Yea, you're still the same old Sammy boy." Derek said, punching his shoulder.

"Yea." Sam said, smiling minimally. At that point they arrived at the rink, Derek parked and they both got out silently.

"So are you ready for this?" Derek said lightly, trying to forget all about the slightly awkward feeling that surrounded them. Sam was doing the same.

"Definitely, we're going to kick some ass!" He said, grabbing his bag.

"Oh yea!" Derek said, grabbing his. They walked into the rink punching each other's shoulders and laughing like idiots. Though they wouldn't admit it, they were both still uncomfortable. In the dressing room Derek went to sit by Sam as always to show nothing was going to change, but Sam had already sat in between two other players. Derek went to sit with Nick and Lance instead, shrugging it off as Sam feeling awkward. He also passed off Sam skating out of the way when he went to pat him on the back for scoring the winning goal. Though when they celebrated their win after the game, Sam didn't celebrate at all; in fact, he just sat on the bench quietly. This was when Derek knew Sam had some kind of problem. Because of that, he left earlier than he usually would have so that Sam could go home and mope.

"Come on Sam, let's go." Derek said, still grinning from the rush of victory, and a little champagne. Sam silently picked up his bag and stick and followed Derek to the van. Derek threw his bag in the back, but when he went to throw Sam's in, Sam stopped him.

"Derek, remember before when you said you were alright with me being gay?" Sam said, gripping his stick tightly.

"Yea, what about it?" Derek said, turning to him.

"Well I've decided that I'm not okay with it. I'm not okay with being gay and certainly not me… being in love with you. I think I just need some time apart from you. I don't think we should be friends anymore Derek."

"… What? In love .. with me?"

"Oh, forgot to mention that part..."

"Sam we've been friends since kindergarten."

"I know, it's just that I don't think this is the best thing for me. I need to move on."

"You're stop being my friend? Just like that?"

"I guess so." Sam kicked a stray rock on the ground.

"Well, do you at least want the ride back still?"

Sam paused for a moment, debating. "Alright." He said finally, offering his bag and stick to Derek. Derek put his things in the back silently and they both got into the van. After about 60 seconds of driving Derek couldn't take the silence so he turned on his Rise Against CD, quietly singing along.

"Derek, there's something else you should know." Sam said after 3 songs.

"What?" Derek snapped.

"It's about Casey…"

"What is it?" Derek asked, his voice now laced with concern and worry.

"Truman… I think he's been abusing her. I mean she's got these cuts and scars all over her forearms and stuff."

"What? She's with him now! Sam why didn't you tell me before!?" Derek sputtered, stepping on the gas.

"She made me promise not to." He said feebly. He knew it was terrible but even in this situation he still felt a little jealous of how much Derek cared for Casey. Derek just then turned in the opposite direction of the hotel. He clearly remembered the name of the restaurant that Casey had mentioned they were going to; _La bella rose. _He also knew that they were pretty close to it. Five minutes later they pulled into the restaurant parking lot.

"She's here." Derek muttered to Sam before bursting out of the van door. He ran through the parking lot and through the glass doors of the restaurant. "Is Truman French still here?" He practically shouted at the little blonde waitress.

"I think him and his fiancée just left." She said, startled.

"Fiancée!?" Derek squeaked in panic.

"Well I saw him give her a ring… I'm not quite sure if…" But Derek was already out the door and back in the van. Derek sped the whole way home, trying to keep calm. He finally screeched to a stop at the dorm entrance. He ripped the keys out of the ignition and tossed them to Sam.

"Park." He shouted before sprinting through the doors and down the twisting hallways, students that were studying in the hall turned to look as he rushed by. Finally he arrived at dorm 237…

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**A/N: We're almost at the end =D Review?**


	10. The End

The End

_Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up, I need your loving hands to come and pick me up...  
-Fm Static_

* * *

"Truman!" Derek yelled, knocking breathlessly on his door. The door swung open lightly, disproportionate to Derek's panic. Truman stood there, his hand resting on the door and a sly smile painted on his face.

"Hello?" He said, his brow furrowing at Derek's wild expression. Derek brushed past him quickly and scanned the room for Casey, she was no where to be seen.

"Where is she?" Derek growled, turning.

"Casey?" Truman asked dumbly. "She left a couple minutes ago. Now if you would please leave." Truman grabbed Derek with more strength than you would think he had in those thin arms and pushed him out of the room, slamming the door. Derek turned back toward the door, but then stepped back. He had to find Casey first.

Derek began his sprint again and stopped at his dorm about a minute later. He reached in his pockets to find them empty. He cursed as he remembered throwing his keys to Sam. Derek took one hard look at the door before planting a solid kick right in the center of it. It reverberated but didn't budge. He kicked it again, there was a creak but it still didn't move. Derek ran at the door, slamming his shoulder into it. The door came down with a crash and he stumbled into the room.

"Casey?!" He called. No answer. "Casey?!" He called again worriedly. No answer. Derek opened the bathroom door and his eyes widened. Casey lay on the bathroom floor, her dress ripped to shreds. Her cinnamon hair was very messy and was twisted around butterfly pins that stuck out at weird angles. Her cheeks were tear-stained whilst her closed eyes were surrounded by runny mascara and remnants of pale violet eye shadow. The navy cardigan that she'd been wearing over her dress was absent and her bare arms stuck out; the purple scars were barely visible through the ample amount of dark red blood that coated them. The blood that had slid off of her arms had collecting in two separate pools around her. "Casey." Derek whispered softly, kneeling at her side. He cupped her face gently with one hand and he placed the other on her neck; feeling for a pulse. He felt a slight rhythm under her cool skin. Derek felt a little relieved for a moment but then he began to panic. Grabbing the cordless phone, he quickly dialed 911.

"Hello 911, what's your emergency?" The operator said calmly.

"I need an ambulance now! My step-sister, she's barely breathing and there's blood… blood everywhere." Derek was practically shouting as he stared at Casey's still face in panic. He felt like he had a brick in his chest and his gut had dropped five miles. He was struggling to breath and began hyperventilating.

"Where are you?" The operator said, still calm.

"Toronto University, dorm 314!"

"Okay it's on its way. Just stay calm and sit tight while you wait." Derek clicked end and let the phone fall from his fingers. It seemed to hit the floor in slow motion and when he looked down he say that his tears were dropping one by one into the pool of blood, creating tiny ripples.

"You're going to be alright Casey." Derek whispered confidently, taking her bloody hand in his. "You have to be." He said, taking deep breaths. Derek sat for about a minute stroking her hand, and then he spoke.

"Casey if you can hear me there's something I've always wanted to say to you." He took a moment to steady himself, trying to keep his voice level. "I love you Casey Macdonald." He gripped her hand with both hands tightly. "I've loved you since the beginning. It's kinda funny," Derek chuckled inappropriately. "I wasn't sure at first, so I tried to fight it. I told myself it wasn't true. But now I know it is and I know you're the one for me. You have to live, because if you don't…" Derek winced at the thought. "If you don't I'll—''

"Hello!?" A deep voice called form the dorm entrance.

"In here, in here!" Derek yelled out of the bathroom. 3 people in white coats crammed into the tiny bathroom. Derek jumped out of the way, and stood against the wall in fear. One of the coated people reached down and felt her neck, while one felt her wrist.

"Nothing." They both said softly. "I'm sorry, we're too late." The only woman said, turning to Derek solemnly.

Derek's vision became blurry and the room began to shake as the words reached his ears. "It can't be." He whispered. His knees buckled and he fell to the floor, sobbing. "I'm too late." He whispered. "I was too late." He said again. "I was too late!" he shouted angrily, hitting the ground with his fist. Derek's hand numbed with pain and he leaned back against the bathroom counter, sobbing. He watched the paramedics load up Casey onto a stretcher and cover her with a blanket. He didn't follow as they carried her out the room. He just sat and stared without seeing at the wall. And somewhere between all the hurt, grief, and anger, everything went black...

Derek was never really sure if Casey heard the words he spoke, but he believed that if she had heard, she was up there somewhere, waiting for him…

* * *

**A/N: So that's the end. Sad I know, but I thought it was for the best. ****If your wondering about Truman.. well he dissapeared when he found out about Casey ... Thx for reading! My loves go to you! =)**


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